Difficult Bridesmaids- How to deal with them!
It's no secret that your wedding day will be very busy and potentially stressful to plan. You will be surrounded by your closest family members and friends who will be named your bridesmaids. These people are the ones that will bring you up when you are feeling down. They will help you through your struggles and put a smile on your face. Or will they?!
Are you struggling with navigating a difficult bridesmaid or two? This blog post might help you understand why they are acting this way, and how to tread with caution.
1) They might be feeling the financial pinch.
Not only are weddings expensive for the couple, but they are also expensive for the wedding party. Your bridesmaids are financially responsible for your shower (likely with the help of your parents), your bachlorette party, their bridesmaid's gowns, hair and makeup, a presentation gift, and many other items such as nails, shoes, jewelry, a tan and the list goes on. While managing their finances and pouring out hundreds of dollars to be a part of your day, they are also taking quite a few extra days off of work for the rehearsal, potentially the wedding and all of the other wedding-related activities like dress shopping, etc... Don't be offended if you approach a gal pal to be in your wedding party, and they politely decline. They may have already over-committed financially for the year. Don't let financial stress and tension ruin a relationship.
2) They might be jealous of your situation and not know how to tell you.
I have seen tension grow between a bride and her bridesmaids as the wedding day grows closer. Perhaps your friend is nervous about writing her speech and doesn't know how to tell you. Perhaps she is jealous that you are getting married and she is still super single and doesn't know how to tell you that she is happy for you but upset about her situation.
3) They may know everything because they are already married.
More often than not, bridesmaids that are already married are the most difficult to deal with. They have their own vision on how your wedding day will go, based on how theirs went. If you hire different vendors, with different processes, you may have some grumbling and complaints from your bridesmaid. Just know that no two weddings are the same, and your process (length of engagement, vendors hired, guest list, etc...) is different and that's ok.
4) They have no time.
Have you heard of the bridesmaid who is so pumped to be a part of your day, but when deadlines roll around, she is too busy and has no time for you? Yep. Me too. The worst is when you find out that actually she wasn't actually busy on Monday night, she was watching Netflix. Remember that this too shall pass. As difficult and hurtful this can be, try not to stress.
5) They may not want to be there.
There are a few people that you might feel you "need" to include. Your future sister-in-law, or your new hubby's best gal pal. Don't include people for reasons that don't feel right. If you are not close to your new future sister-in-law, don't include her out of necessity. The relationship and planning will feel forced, and she might be difficult to deal with.
So how do you deal with these types of people causing these problems and tension during your special time?
Make them feel heard. They may feel that they are simply a number in the lineup. Let them know that you notice X-Y & Z that they are doing/feeling. Allow them to tell you how/why they are feeling a specific way. Once they know that you notice, they will likely be more aware of what you are feeling.
Be mindful to do this in a one-to-one setting, and not with a group. The last thing you want is to have this person feel attacked or belittled.
At the end of the day, a relationship is more important than having an extra bridesmaid. If you feel that throughout your wedding planning process, something isn't right, fix it. Don't bottle everything up until the wedding day and risk not enjoying yourself. These people are standing up for you, for a reason.
- Tricia xoxo
Photo Credits: Aimee De La Lande Photography